I've been a bit better lately, partly because of the thyroid meds, partly because I am in kind of a manic phase. I've been cleaning my house like crazy, and organizing & geting rid of tons of stuff. It's not enough though, because we still have too much crap for our small apartment. With Christmas coming, I know we will get even more useless crap for the kids. We don't buy much, I only spend maye $50 per kid, and only my own. Besides that, I only buy 3 $30 presents for the kids grab bag on Christmas. We don't buy for adults, and no one buys for us. I would love to be able to shop for my nieces & nephews, (I have 4) but the truth is, their parents have a lot more disposable income than we do, and they get pretty much anything they want anyway. I won't let my SIL's or BIL's buy for our kids either, even though they sneak gifts in through Grandma & Grandpa. I feel bad. My kids always have a decent Christmas, which I am greatful for, as there is no way I could afford to do it by myself. My parents love buying stuff for the boys. If I even NEED anything that I can't find at the thrift store, or at Target, I ask, and usually it turns up. I ONLY ask if it's for the boys though, I don't ask for money to pay bills, or anything like that. I am thankful that small things can be taken care of by someone else, even though sometimes, I would really appreciate if they would babysit for a night or 2 sometime more. I know we are in bad shape financially, but it could be worse. We do have enough money to have a roof over our heads, it's just that some months are a bit leaner than others. We can handle it, I think. If everything goes according to plan, we will be mostly debt free in 18 months. Then we can start saving for a house :)

This was out first Thanksgiving since my aunt L died in July. She & her daughter C spent most holidays with us, so this one was really hard. She was very missed. C spent Thanksgiving with us, as usual, but said that she is going to visit her half brother & his family in Washington for Christmas, as it is really hard this year. L was a special woman, and her death was unexpected. She went into the hospital for minor surgery, then died. She was only 62. She was another mom to my stepsister, another "grandma" to my kids (as she had no grandkids of her own), and a best friend to my mom. We missed her a lot. We talked about her a bit, but stopped because everyone was crying. It just isn't fair.

We are all doing ok though, and a cool thing happend. I won an 80GB IPOD! I wanted one for a long time, but couldn't justify the frivolous expense. There is a lot I could do with $250. :) But, now one is on it's way to me! What a great holiday surprise.

Endocrinologist appointment went bad. The Dr was great, the office was fine, I'm horrible actually. I gained 10 more pounds in 3 weeks. My thyroid levels are horrible, which I knoew they would be, as I have not been on meds for more than 2 months now. He is concerned about diabetes. So, I'm monitoring, just like I needed to do during my last 2 pregnancies. He is making me go see a regular Doctor for some more health issues. My blood pressure is good at least, but then again, it always is. The first step is to get my thyroid under control. I had just been diagnosed hypothyroid and had been on meds less than 6 weeks before I got pregnant with my youngest. It has never really been completely under control since. The Doc said that he feels that once we get my thyroid to a good place, my depression will be lessened. He does not really feel that I will probably lose much weight at all, which makes me sad. Not that I ever am going to be a size 4 again, but a size 12 or 14 would be nice. :) I'm trying to be patient, but I am sick of feeling this way, and want to sleep again someday.

So, we had JN's 18 month appointment on Tuesday, and I am really not happy with how it went. I love my pediatrician, but I think he was having an "off" day, because he was just not as friendly as he usually is. I knw he has small children, so maybe he just had a bad night. But, anyway, JN is very overweight for his age. He did not tell me a percentage, but usually he is at about the 97% range (and has been since birth), and on the chart, I could see thta it was a lot higher than that (maybe 110%) So, we are switching to 1% milk, and eating more veggies. I try & feed my kids in the healthiest way possible. I have just been so stressed & depressed (also, poor) that I have not really been into cooking, so we had a lot of mac & cheese & chicken nuggets. So, we need to work on that. He is also speech delayed, which I have suspected for a while. What I am upset about is that the ped said we should wait 6 months, and see if he starts talking more on his own, before we go forth with an evaluation. I agreed to 2 months, as I AM concerned. JN does not talk as much as his brothers did at this age. He makes sounds, but the only recognizable words are Mama & Dada. he's also not as much of a babbler as they were. Graantedm he walked MONTHS earlier than either of his brothers. So, Jan 2, I am calling & pushing for an evaluation. I just wish I had pushed more the other day. I am not good with confrontation (and if my husband ever finds & reads this blog, he is falling over laughing right now) with authority figures. 2 months really is acceptable, I'm just frustrated & upset with myslef right now.